When it comes to China, we Indians know exactly when and how to punch them in the face. So, when they attack us on the border, we boycott their products (including TikTok & PubG) and when they erect an entire village in around Arunachal Pradesh, we avenge their incursion by renaming Dragon fruit to Kamalam. What a twin masterstroke it is, mind you – showing laal laal aankhein to China as well as sending the best wishes to Kamala Harris on her very first day as US Vice-President, all at once!
China, You Take Away our Land, we take away your Dragon
Yes, our priority for the nation is set; with the 56 inches chest that we have, we are not going to have innocuous ways towards such aggressions. So, not just the cities we will even rename vegetables and fruits right in the middle of a pandemic – let the economy hit right, left and centre. Besides, doesn’t matter if the fruit is originally from South America, nurtures across the world and its native name is Pittaya – just because it has ‘dragon’ in it we will do ‘Tandav’ and change it to the most pious one – the Kamalam!
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And to be honest amidst the ‘WhatsApp Chat Gate’, the suddenness, the sheer suddenness of the ‘Renaming’ Move, the unexpected nature of the move, the unpredictability of the move and the fact that there was no warning has not just left news channel amazed, but even the aam aadmi.
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And now the nation just like Akshay Kumar wants to know, ‘kya humein kamalam ko katt ke khana chahiye ya choos ke?’
Dragon Fruit to Kamalam, Now What’s Next – Chinni to Shakaram or Sugaram?
With this innovative, virtuous, novel and totally fresh name Kamalam fruit, my liberal friend living in Luytens’ Delhi was wondering whether Chinni would now be renamed as ‘Shakaram’ or ‘Sugaram.’ Selling her my latest Rs.299 online tutorial (Yes, I have reduced from 20,999 to 299!) on ‘how not to be Nidhi Razdan and protect yourself from phishing Harvard mails’, I assured her that both are perfect now that it has ‘Ram’ in it.
This conversation made me wonder myself, “whether they will rename Hakka Noodles as Kakka Noodles?” Makes sense, no? I hope babersherni Kangana Ranuat doesn’t mind that because she fondly calls Jack (no, no, not Ma waala, Dorsey waala, the Twitter CEO) as ‘liberals ke kakka.’ Also, now that Nobita is finally marrying his childhood friend Shizuka, I’m wondering should I celebrate or not? Oh wait… Doraemon and gang are Japanese! Ok, so I have the permission of all my friends and family ‘to be happy for Nobita’ – cannot even fathom the #BoycottNobitaKiShaadi thingy!
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Now with the whole dragon fruit to kamalam, hakka to kakka and chinni to sugaram/shakaram – should we also skip ‘Ma’ in Sa Re Ga Ma Pa? Arrey because Ma is with China, na? Well, this isn’t my original line – it is a WhatsApp Leak from a chatty conversation between two creative writers which I got an easy access to. Zucker bhai su(e) karre chhe??
