Gone are the days of Yahoo messenger when online dating was fun, fascinating and full of interesting conversations that involved pyaar mohabbat ki baatein (lovey-dovey talks), today it is the era of tinder, hinge, bumble where love has replaced lust, emotions have been taken over by erection, even using sex toys, sentiments have swapped with sex, hangout is synonym to hook-ups and courtship is merely catch and release encompassing ONS – one night stand.
Nothing wrong with that, but before you dive into this pool of new-age dating, you need to gear yourself well, see how it is usually played so that you know how can you swim across the other side without being hurt, upset, wounded and/or cheated especially when you match with the good ones!
You are Either His Plan B or He Has His Plan B in-waiting
You are not the only one he has swiped right, so while he is talking to you, he is even talking to others. While you enjoy having conversations with him over calls, texts and WhatsApp, do not (I repeat DO NOT) invest your time and emotional energy if he seems to be feeding same grain to too many chicks at the same time. How do you sense that? Well, if you want him to make you his ‘priority’ but you are only his ‘option’, you’ll just know.
Chances are most of the time you are either this one’s ‘Plan B’ or even if you are his ‘Plan A’, he has several ‘Plan Bs’ in waiting. Most of the people on online dating apps have become a pro at this. So, if as a newbie you want to experiment things on an online dating app, you know the drill.
Everything is Super Temporary & Casual, This Guy Can Ghost You Any Time, Any Moment. Period
So, if you have joined online dating apps to make ‘Friends With Benefits’ so that you have your dose of laughter, fun and intimacy with one guy at a time, chances are this might last only one, two or maximum three dates. Post which, there are huge chances of he ghosting you. Ghosting is something very common in online dating world where a person with whom you are talking/texting goes MIA (missing in action) without telling you why. He might even stop taking your calls or replying to your messages.
Ghosting is equally done by both men and women. If you are being ghosted, don’t ever take it personally. There is nothing wrong about you, perhaps you were just his plan B, or he is too worried to meet you again perhaps he might fall for you, or his only agenda is to meet and have fun with more new people and not just one. There can be many reasons.
Watch Out for Submarining, Orbiting and Zombie-ing
I know ‘ghosting’ should cease to exist and before going away, people should convey or confront so there is some sort of closure instead of just shutting the door before even saying anything. However, this doesn’t happen. The reason? Well, these lots keep a way open to reconnect again especially when they are really bored, have nobody at ‘that’ specific moment and of course for booty calls. They comeback acting as if nothing happened, something that is termed as submarining.
These are the same peeps who rise from the dead like spirit animals and start watching your Instagram stories, liking your Facebook profiles/photos, and checking out your WhatsApp status. This is nothing but orbiting and zombie-ing, again quite frequently seen and done in the online world of dating.
Ghosting, Submarining, Orbiting and Zombie-ing happens very frequently so if you are the one who is on the look out to find some long-term or even short-term ‘Friends with Benefits’ partner chances are it might last only few dates. So, before you find one, have good time and enjoy those no-strings attached sexual encounter, you should know before-hand what comes after that. If you are prepared for it, only then go for it.
Be Careful of Love Bombing, Roaching and Micro-cheating
Just like the real dating scene, this person you meet online would bombard you with love and affection right from day 1 for no apparent reason. However, once the person gets what they want from you (could be anything – emotional and/or physical), they typically either tone down their behaviour or move on significantly. This is nothing but love bombing and is often used as a technique to approach potential dates
Next, while it might seem that this particular guy is just with you, chances are he might be seeing one or two more and is hiding the same from you. However, when you find out and confront the same, chances are he might just come clean and say he didn’t realize that your relation with him was a monogamous one. This is nothing but roaching, again very common in dating especially when it comes to open relationship and situationship – where one wants to be in a relationship with someone without committing to being their BF or GF.
Micro-cheating is a dating phenomenon where the person you are involved with may not particularly go out with someone and cheat on you physically but might get involved with someone on an emotional level and might even flirt with them on a regular basis. No wonder, this can tear many of the people and hurt them immensely.
They Might Appear ‘Available’ But in Reality, they are ‘Unavailable’
Online dating app is full of married men and married women who have a happy and blissful family life. Although they are physically available to satiate their inner fantasies, lust and usual sexual cravings or sometimes even emotional bonding, they are never really ‘available’ for you for R-E-A-L relationship no matter how much love bomber they might seem. Both, men and women might fall for such ‘unavailable’ dates. In order to avoid any disappointment later, one must always be cautious enough before getting into any sort of relationship with such ‘unavailable’ peeps.
Most people look out for online dating apps as an interim relief especially when they are cold, lonely or feeling depressed and would love to hang out with somebody new to handcuff themselves, however, before you make your way forward, make sure you are well-versed with the above online dating phenomena so that you neither end up being hurt, upset, wounded and/or cheated nor do you offend, ill-treat or dismay your potential online dates.
Also Read: 5 Types of People You Meet on Tinder